


God it hurts (to be human)

by whenshewrites



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is a Good Thing, Eddie Diaz Deserves Good Things, Eddie Diaz Street Fighting, Hurt Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Slash, Protective Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 21:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30128997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenshewrites/pseuds/whenshewrites
Summary: prompt fill: "all I can think about is Buck discovering Eddie's street fighting before anyone else 😭😭 like Eddie shows up at his door all messed up or something idk"orWhen Eddie knocked on Buck’s door with blood still on his knuckles, head throbbing, and a split lip, the man looked at him like he’d just crawled out of the grave.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 191





	God it hurts (to be human)

“Why do you do it?”

Eddie looked up silently. The ice pack was startling to melt against his face, probably not doing much for the bruises anyway, and he kind of wanted to be anywhere else other than sitting on the couch in Buck’s place. But the man was the only one he was willing to let see him like this and there was no way he was going home to Christopher yet.

No, not yet. He didn’t need the kid to see what happened after he lost a fight.

Except, Buck was looking at him with pleading eyes, and Eddie had no idea where to start. Because what could he even say to that kind of question?

_ Why did he do it? _

“Eddie, come on man. You have to talk to me—”

“Control,” Eddie said sharply. Buck’s mouth snapped closed, looking surprised, and Eddie dropped his eyes, clenching his jaw. “Control, Buck. I need it.”

And he did, didn’t he? He needed it.

It was the ring.

The first time Eddie stepped in front of an opposing fighter, he’d finally felt like he had some sort of control. It was a step away from everything he currently knew; from the tsunami, from the constant panic building up in his chest. From Buck’s lawsuit, from the emptiness he felt every time he glanced around the 118 base.

After Christopher had started waking up in fits of terror and Buck ended up never being around anymore, Eddie hadn’t known what to do. It was everything. The stress, the pain, the confusion. The overwhelming weight of  _ everything. _

“I need it,” Eddie said again, voice cracking. And he hated himself for feeling like he could break at any second.

“Eddie, you have to know that I’m here—”

“No,” Eddie said, cutting the man off. “No, you’re here  _ now,  _ Buck _.  _ You’re here  _ currently.  _ But you weren’t before. You weren’t ‘here’ when Chris woke up screaming. When he cried for his Buck, when I couldn’t even call you because I wasn’t allowed to. When I couldn’t able to talk to my  _ best friend  _ as Christopher fell asleep at my side every single night, whimpering and crying out in his sleep. You weren’t there.”

The look that Buck looked at him in response to that made Eddie feel sick. He both wanted to take back all of his words and never stop speaking.

“Why do I do it?” He asked bitterly, tearing his gaze away. “Because I need something to hurt that can be treated. I need some kind of control.”

The silence reigned for a long moment. Eddie pulled the ice pack away from his face with a sigh, finally raising his eyes to meet Buck’s again.

The other man swallowed, offering a small nod. “Right.”

Eddie stayed silent. Buck held his gaze for a moment longer before glancing away.

“Uh, the swelling’s gone down. I think you’re good now, man.”

Eddie bit down hard on his lower lip. He hadn’t thought he looked that bad in the first place, but when he’d knocked on Buck’s door with blood still on his knuckles, head throbbing, the man had looked at him like he’d just crawled out of the grave. 

So, maybe it had been a little bad.

“I am sorry, man,” Buck said after another long moment of silence. The man sunk onto the couch beside him, taking the ice pack from Eddie’s hand and setting it on the side table. “I, uh, didn’t realize Chris was struggling so much.”

Eddie just nodded. Buck glanced over at him.

“I didn’t realize you were either.”

“The kid’s tough,” Eddie said, voice nearly betraying him. Buck raised an eyebrow and Eddie shook his head, forcing a small, humorless laugh. “Tougher than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“So he’s like his dad, then.”

“No. I think he got it from his mom.”

“Ed,” Buck said, sounding pained. “If he’s as tough as you are stubborn, then I’m pretty sure you can take _some_ of the credit.”

Chest warming a bit, Eddie finally looked over at the man, biting down a smile. Buck’s eyes brightened a little.

“Just some, though.”

“Of course.”

Buck’s gaze moved back across his face then, lingering on the bruise underneath his eye again, and a look of concern took over once more. Eddie hadn’t really known what to expect when he’d shown up at Buck’s door, getting more than one horrified look from the man’s neighbors, but then after a bit of Buck freaking out, yelling at him, and then freaking out some more, Eddie supposed that’s exactly what he should have anticipated.

Except, then was the gentleness of Buck’s actions that followed afterward. Ones which led to Eddie sitting on the couch, an ice pack pressed against his face, and the man sitting beside him, almost purposefully close. That’s what really had made Eddie want to stay.

“Will you go out there again?”

Eddie clenched his jaw, all those thoughts vanishing again. Buck gave him an imploring look.

“Eddie, are you gonna do it again?”

“I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

Buck narrowed his eyes at that. Eddie sighed. 

“It’s not currently in the books.”

“That’s such a shitty answer, man.”

Eddie blinked in surprise and Buck shoved himself up, eyes flashing. “That’s shitty, man. It is. What if something else were to happen? What if something else went wrong and you pissed off the wrong opponent, or took a hit a little too hard? You’re hiding out from your own  _ kid _ because you look like you went a round with a battering ram and lost. Eddie, it’s bullshit.”

A mix of pain and anger cut through Eddie’s chest. He glared at the man. “Don’t do that, Buck.”

“Don’t do what? Tell the truth?”

“I came here because you were nearby. I came here because—”

“You came here because you know that I’d be there for you no matter what happened!”

“Yeah, now!”

Hurt flashed across Buck’s eyes and Eddie immediately regretted his words. All over again, he just needed to bite down on his tongue. Bite down until it hurt. Buck took a few steps backward and Eddie kind of hated himself, running a hand through his hair.

Because wasn’t like he didn’t forgive Buck already. It wasn’t like he was still purposefully holding anything against him. It wasn’t like— it wasn’t—

It wasn’t fair. He knew that. 

“If you want to take your punches out on anyone, you come to me,” Buck said, voice cracking. Eddie looked up at him and all he could see was the red forming around Buck’s eyes. The desperation written across his face. “If you need some type of control, you know where I live, Eddie. You know where I live.” Buck swallowed hard. “But I don’t want the next time you knock on my door to be because you’ve been beaten to a pulp again. You can’t do that to me.”

Eddie floundered for words for a moment. Buck folded his arms over his chest, taking a trembling breath.

“If you a damn punching bag then I’m here, man.”

“Buck...”

Buck scoffed, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides. Slowly, Eddie pushed himself up. 

“You were right,” he said, raising a hand. It hovered in the inches between them and he was almost scared to lay it on Buck’s shoulder. The man looked nearly as bad as Eddie had been feeling before. “I came here because I knew I could. Because I trust you, Buck. And I… I’m sorry. What I said wasn’t fair.”

“You know, it sucked for me too. Not seeing you. ot seeing Chris.”

Eddie’s chest tightened. Buck sniffed.

“I miss the little guy.”

“And he misses his Buck.”

Buck’s expression softened considerably at that. And there was a hint of forgiveness in his eyes— one that looked as easy as breathing. Eddie gave him a hopeful look. 

“I missed his Buck too.”

Buck barked out a small laugh at that, looking like he’d just melted a little bit. And to be honest, Eddie felt like he had to. Before he could even react, Buck was pulling him in close, and Eddie smiled into the man’s grip, the throbbing of his bruised face momentarily forgotten as he turned it into Buck’s shoulder.

They stood there for a long moment and maybe all was forgiven after all. Then, with a small, almost flushed look on his face, Buck pulled back and studied him again. His thumb brushed briefly over the bruise underneath Eddie’s eye before he drew quickly back; like a touch that had never even been there.

“Will you go out again?”

This time, Eddie didn’t even have to think. “No. It’s done.”

Buck held his gaze. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“I promise, Buck.”

“Good,” the man said, finally grinning again. “Because I’d hate to have to kick your ass too.”

“Oh, you think that’s what would happen?”

“Hell yeah,” Buck said. “Without breaking a sweat, big guy.”

Eddie just shook his head. 

When he’d been standing on Buck’s doorstep a few hours ago, knuckles cracked and head pounding, he’d debated whether or not knocking would be a bad idea. He thought he could see all of this ending a few million ways; and not all of them were good.

But right now, a melted ice pack on the side table and some of the tension relieved from his shoulders, he decided it was the best thing he’d chosen to do. In a long while.

Why did he do it?  _ And why would he stop? _

Because of this, probably.

“Come on,” Buck said, eyes dancing. “Maddie keeps some ‘emergency’ supplies here and I’m pretty sure that involves concealer. Wanna give covering up that shiner a try?”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah,” Buck said smirking. “I know.”

_ Because of Buck, probably. _

**Author's Note:**

> So, Buddie apparently owns my entire heart and soul at the moment. Of course, I'd love to hear what you guys thought and if you ever want to shoot me a prompt, come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://when-she-writes-stuff.tumblr.com/)!


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